Last night after I went to bed, I was woke by my friend to have a little talk at about our current friendship or 'relationship' in chinese . Actually I'd expected this 'talk' since the earlier of the day.....
Actually, the problem started during dogathon preparation period I guess.. but I just keep ignoring the problem and thought it was just a small problem untill the day after dogathon. I still remember it was at night around 12 something, after I my shower.. I can't remember how have is the little arguement stared...Oh ya.. is decideing when to go for practical.. After attending MAHA, we got to know there is a small ruminant farm in Sg Buluh.. so, she suggested to go there because it is near her home but I was not interesting to go for ruminant practical this semester...so dunno how the arguement starts and she said that I hate her bf.... and etc lar..Come on, why I hate him?? Is he anyone important to me?? NO.... So, after that I drove out because I don't want to disturb my other housemate... I went round and round with a tears and dunno where to go.. I can't enter college because It was already 12 am...so I called my friend.. he asked me to his place to have a drink and later he'll sent me back... but I didn't bring my purse along.. Then after going round and round and round and keep thinking.. why?? why?? and why?? Why she treat me like that?? What I had done wrong???.. Then I stop beside the football field... It was beside a lamp post...I sat there alone in the car and dunno where to go....and I'm really hurt that time... :(
In another occation when I went for a dinner with my friends and juniors.... They asked me why I was jealous of her having a bf....I still remember very clearly what they told me and my feeling at that time still very fresh in my mind. I felt really sad and really disappointed and keep asking myself "Is that I am that type of person as she said???" I ask myself again and again is I jealous of her? the answer is NO! NO! NO! Why I have to jealous?? I'm happy with what I am now...
So, from that day onwards I keep quite and stand aside to observe myself what is the problem actually that causes breakage in our friendship?? I noticed a lot of things... that were unexpected... I see it clearly and feel it myself as well... I did seek advices form most of my close friend such as poh eng, kok hong, and my dear friend chin han and I also did asked them to tell me what is my problems..They said I'm too kind-hearted and easily bully by others... and they even advice me to move out and don't care about her so much and it is not worth to treat someone that is not treating you as friend and keep hurting you!!! I admit, maybe I'm treat her too good and she feel sufocated or give chances for her to take advantages on me... That's is my wrong. "Really sorry if that I had cause you feel that". I deeply apologize.
Actually there are others factors as well but just I don't want to make things more complicated...
So after the talk yesterday, I can feel that she has the thinking to stop and break this friendship and wanna to be herself... the real personality of herself. She also happy because I'd someone that is close to me now... that is ms michiyo.. Even though she didn't say it out but I can feel it... Hope that my feeling is wrong...
I'd keep a sms in my phone for quite a long time dy...that I din't sent out to her....
The content of the sms is :
A friend is someone who listen and cares,
A friend who's someone alwasys there.
A friend brings happiness that can warm and mend.
I'm glad that I can call you a friend.
A lot of people have entered my life,
but one things remains true........
I've never have a single soul who has touched my heart like you
and some of my close friends...
Thank you for being a friend.
I love you.. :*