Actually, the problem started during dogathon preparation period I guess.. but I just keep ignoring the problem and thought it was just a small problem untill the day after dogathon. I still remember it was at night around 12 something, after I my shower.. I can't remember how have is the little arguement stared...Oh ya.. is decideing when to go for practical.. After attending MAHA, we got to know there is a small ruminant farm in Sg Buluh.. so, she suggested to go there because it is near her home but I was not interesting to go for ruminant practical this semester...so dunno how the arguement starts and she said that I hate her bf.... and etc lar..Come on, why I hate him?? Is he anyone important to me?? NO.... So, after that I drove out because I don't want to disturb my other housemate... I went round and round with a tears and dunno where to go.. I can't enter college because It was already 12 am...so I called my friend.. he asked me to his place to have a drink and later he'll sent me back... but I didn't bring my purse along.. Then after going round and round and round and keep thinking.. why?? why?? and why?? Why she treat me like that?? What I had done wrong???.. Then I stop beside the football field... It was beside a lamp post...I sat there alone in the car and dunno where to go....and I'm really hurt that time... :(
In another occation when I went for a dinner with my friends and juniors.... They asked me why I was jealous of her having a bf....I still remember very clearly what they told me and my feeling at that time still very fresh in my mind. I felt really sad and really disappointed and keep asking myself "Is that I am that type of person as she said???" I ask myself again and again is I jealous of her? the answer is NO! NO! NO! Why I have to jealous?? I'm happy with what I am now...
So, from that day onwards I keep quite and stand aside to observe myself what is the problem actually that causes breakage in our friendship?? I noticed a lot of things... that were unexpected... I see it clearly and feel it myself as well... I did seek advices form most of my close friend such as poh eng, kok hong, and my dear friend chin han and I also did asked them to tell me what is my problems..They said I'm too kind-hearted and easily bully by others... and they even advice me to move out and don't care about her so much and it is not worth to treat someone that is not treating you as friend and keep hurting you!!! I admit, maybe I'm treat her too good and she feel sufocated or give chances for her to take advantages on me... That's is my wrong. "Really sorry if that I had cause you feel that". I deeply apologize.
Actually there are others factors as well but just I don't want to make things more complicated...
So after the talk yesterday, I can feel that she has the thinking to stop and break this friendship and wanna to be herself... the real personality of herself. She also happy because I'd someone that is close to me now... that is ms michiyo.. Even though she didn't say it out but I can feel it... Hope that my feeling is wrong...
I'd keep a sms in my phone for quite a long time dy...that I din't sent out to her....
The content of the sms is :
A friend is someone who listen and cares,
A friend who's someone alwasys there.
A friend brings happiness that can warm and mend.
I'm glad that I can call you a friend.
A lot of people have entered my life,
but one things remains true........
I've never have a single soul who has touched my heart like you
and some of my close friends...
Thank you for being a friend.
I love you.. :*
A friend who's someone alwasys there.
A friend brings happiness that can warm and mend.
I'm glad that I can call you a friend.
A lot of people have entered my life,
but one things remains true........
I've never have a single soul who has touched my heart like you
and some of my close friends...
Thank you for being a friend.
I love you.. :*
6 comments:
Sigh~ such thing happenend again? I x notice at all o~ both of u see normal only. sorry ya..me is this teruk 1, I always lembap...To be a friend is easy, but to maintain is hard...anyway, dont make life so suffer and complicated..lets just dont think too much and be happy. Is good to have some personal space, relationship ll stay longer..at least, u and her still talk to each other, take care of each other...its good already compared to me..
If she wants to have a serious talk, just tell her the truth. What's so great about her bf? Why do you have to sacrifice ur time for her going on date? She can't expect ppl to follow her timetable, and that's a weird time table. Everyone has their own business to handle, how can everyone just follow her wish? Just tell her that u r not jealous of her bf or her having a bf. U r just uncomforatble that she had cause diffuculties for others because of her relationship. It's ok that she go out dating but please do it at the right time. Since last time, I'd asked u why u stay with her in a room. No other solution? Move out, change room??? Anything that will keep a distance between u and her. Sometimes, when get to get too close to someone, we will know the true colour of the person. So, it;s better to keep a safe distance, know her with the mask that she puts on. Maybe, less contact, less arguments is a better way to solve the problem. Don't be sad. Don't just drive around alone in the night without any ID. It's too dangerous. U r risking ur safety and life!!!!! Take care. Dun do that again.
Dear Evonne,
As what I've mentioned in the 'serious talk', in being friends, we need to accept and respect the other person's characteristics and personalities that makes the person his/herself. The true self.. Every individual is different and that is what makes each and everyone unique in their own ways. And then again, understand that no one is perfect. To err is always human, to forgive is divine. If I really am a person who doesn't care anymore, if I am really that ignorant and selfish, why would I even wanted to have the serious talk with you, instead of just acted as my usual self? because I don't want to lose a friend. Not just any friend, but a true friend. As I said, no one is perfect. I know I am not, and you must know that you are just like me, we're all humans who do wrongs. The most important thing is, we acknowledge the errors, and take initiative to mend them. Moreover, we try to focus on the positive side of things, instead of the negative ones.
U know me better than anyone else, I would say. Am I really as bad as portrayed by you? The night you drove out after we quarreled, did I go and sleep on my bed? No! I was worried sick and cried all the way till I was sure and see with my own eyes that u came back home again safely.. Why? because we both care...
I know myself. If I do not have the qualities you got to see in me when we started our friendship, would we even have got any closer than just normal acquaintances and go through so many happenings, ups and downs together, believing we'll always be there for each other? If I am really that bad a person, would I even have the honour to even get chosen as your special friend and be termed as a person who has managed to touch your heart? Will I even have the power to do that? I always don't mean any bad intention or any hurtful action and I am truly sorry for I have inflicted a lot of pains to you, a lot of times without really meaning it.
The key to a great, longer and sustainable friendship is communication and understanding and acceptance and always be there for one another.
As Michiyo put it, it is always good to have personal space as well. And that is what I meant by me wanting to be myself. I want to go through my own life, at the same time knowing I'll always have a friend in you no matter what kind of person I have become, no matter where I am, and I want to share with you about the happenings in my life. Ups and downs. Laugh and cry over them.
Once again, I'm truly sorry for everything I've done wrong that have caused you tremendous hurts, directly or indirectly. You know I love you as a friend. I've said that before and I want to assure you, I really do mean it. Alot.
Do not keep things to yourself. Correct me whenever I am wrong. You know I am senseless most of the times.. and u're always the one who have great senses, and hence make a lot of friends where ever you go. Accept the fact that people are different and opposites do attract at times. That is why we're friends, huh?
Stupid arguments. It happens. We go through them. Learn from mistakes and be better people. Life throws us numerous challenges. Let the bitter bygones be bygones and breathe a fresh, new leash of air!
Lol.
*hugs*
I love you :*
ee ling left such long comment that i gave up reading after the first paragraph itself.. anyway evonne a blog is a place to express ur feelings.. so u can choose not to reply to anythg u dun1.. or in drastic measure.. delete whatever u dun like.. it is YOUR blog anyway..
Ng Kok Hong, I zha dao liao ~.~''
Thanks all the precious comments.. One thing that I want to say... Once the hurts is being done, there will be scars on it forever even though it is/was heal.... So, don't ever cause others or yourself....
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